Why I’m Backing Meghan and Harry: A Masterclass in Resilience
Author: Ozlem Tuskan, Founder, CEO The Resilient
Transformational Strategist, Business Mentor and Resilience Coach
www.TheResilient.co.uk
Meghan, Harry, Oprah. Three little words with a lot of power. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s interview with the chat show superstar was a masterclass in the power of resilience.
It is one of those TV moments that will go down in history. It is the definition of what would once — in the days before Covid — have been called a watercooler moment. While the watercooler may have gone (for now), the conversations continue across press, social media, in homes, bubbles, and out on our daily walks.
It has divided global opinion, but I want to show my support for the couple. As someone who teaches resilience, their integrity in the face of adversity; unity amid upheaval; ability to reframe stress as strength; willingness to show vulnerability, and connect with us to inspire others to speak up — even when under attack — have lessons to teach us all.
As Meghan says at the end of the interview, “Now, because we’re actually on the other side, we’ve not just survived, we’re thriving… I think that all of those things that I was hoping for have happened and in many ways, this is just the beginning for us.”
To get to the point where they’re able to express this level of positivity and optimism, Harry and Meghan have clearly had to dig deep into their ‘toolkit’ of what it is to be human — and not just ‘do’ human. They’re drawing on previous experiences, be that Harry’s military training and witnessing his mother’s struggle, or Meghan’s hard work and her sense of betrayal when her father talked to the press without her knowledge. They’ve built real resilience. Here are my five key points of inspiration from the interview.
No comment won’t cut it anymore
We live in a censorship society. Everyone is waiting for someone to make a misstep and ready with a comment or cancel when they do. People are holding themselves back from expressing their opinions in the fear that someone will be offended. But Meghan and Harry prove that speaking from a place of integrity and respect allows you to stand up, and speak up, for what you believe in.
In the interview, Oprah asks Meghan if she was “silent” or “silenced”. She replies, the latter, saying, “Everyone in my world was given a very clear directive from the moment the world knew Harry and I were dating to always say: ‘No comment.’”
They towed that line until they no longer could. And in speaking up, they’re acknowledging that their comments may upset others. However, they’re also clear about their motives for doing so and staying true to their personal beliefs.
In July 2020, Harry released a message to introduce a video for his HIV and AIDS charity Sentebale, which reflects those beliefs and echoes much of what the couple said in the Oprah interview. “As you’re about to see, these young people are about to speak out, chasing justice, as role models to their peers, support HIV prevention and challenge limiting systems in the hope of a more inclusive and accepting environment for all,” he said.
“And when they face set-backs, they not only push back, but bounce back. They are resilience personified. We all succeed when they are empowered.”
Speak up with respect
Harry and Meghan managed to speak out and chase their own justice through the interview, but they did so with respect. At no point did they criticise individuals and their reverence and love towards the Queen was evident throughout. They even asked Oprah to make it clear, when she had the opportunity, that comments made by “the institution” about the colour of their son Archie’s skin did not come from the Queen and Prince Philip. Oprah has done so in consequent interviews on American tv.
I predict that this rhetoric of respect will become commonplace as a sign of post-Covid resilience. It can already be seen in the shift from Trump to Biden, the momentum of the BLM movement, and the growing support for LGBTQI+ rights.
Stress becomes strength with the right training
Harry and Meghan clearly went through a very scary and stressful time. Not only were they being attacked by the press and people on social media, they were losing security — both emotional and physical — at the time they needed it most.
This is where I believe Meghan and Harry’s backgrounds shone through. Harry served with the British Army in Afghanistan, an institution with the motto “Train hard, fight easy”. It seems he drew on this training to speak his truth in the interview. As for Meghan, she makes it clear that before she met the prince, she worked hard from an early age, having her first job as a teenager and that she has always spoken up for women.
The interview really shows the couple “fighting” with ease. Filmed from their garden, they look relaxed with cutaways showing them feeding their son’s chickens and playing on the beach.
This is a great example of ‘positive discomfort’, a trend that we published on LSN:Global while I was with The Future Laboratory. It explores how experts are reframing stress as a positive force rather than suggesting one must avoid it completely. ‘If you see it as something that can make you more resilient, you will experience it differently,’ says psychology professor Tal Ben Shahar.
Vulnerability empowers
It’s not easy to admit you’ve been in a dark place. That you’ve experienced trauma. I know because I’ve been there. While I had PSTD I was very bleak in my thoughts. I’m sure we all have memories and times in our lives that we don’t find it easy to talk about, but resilience means we can.
Meghan, in particular, shared some very personal and moving stories of her time in the UK. She tells Oprah that at her lowest point she was suicidal and how, in her darkest hour, she asked for help but found no support. In this, she shows real vulnerability by making an invisible experience, visible. She shines a light on the importance of connection and support when facing mental illness; no doubt inspiring many others to make this realisation and lean in for help.
She does the same in challenging conscious and unconscious bias. Although she says she doesn’t read the press, she is aware of her race being highlighted, explicitly or not.
The interview is a great opportunity for the lid to come off this undercurrent of bias. UK media shows a subtlety of touch when it comes to racism, but it’s there for all to see in the differing headlines between Meghan and her sister-in-law Kate. As influential institutions this simply should not be allowed. It begs the question: how do they get away with it?
I’ve felt it myself. I was bullied at school for being different. It was the 80s, and easy to chalk up to different times, but I’ve continued to see it throughout my career and suffered for it. Whether it’s being a woman, not being blue-eyed and blonde-haired, not going to the right university, I’ve experienced the pain of other people’s perceptions that I don’t quite fit. Early in my career, I went through rounds of interviews for multiple jobs in media and advertising in London. Time and again I was told that I hadn’t got the role because they thought an ‘older’ man would be better for team dynamics, or that I had lost out in the last round to an Oxbridge candidate. It was a competitive landscape where those who fit a certain mold, won.
But, when people speak out like Meghan and Harry have, collective awareness and therefore resilience grows. And that fuels positive transformation. I share their intention and mission for this.
Connections with others are key to resilience
Studies have shown, time and again, that sense of community and human connection is key to building resilience. In fact it is the top component to resilience — if you had to choose one thing to build resilience it would be connect with someone and share. Meghan and Harry show real unity throughout the interview and often refer to a wider network of social support through their friends.
Speaking about history repeating itself in reference to his mother, Princess Diana, and the trauma she went through when separating from, and speaking up about, the Royal family, Harry said, “At least I have Meghan”. This display of solidarity, support and love is so central to their story and their resilience.
Look to the future with optimism
As well as supporting each other, helping others is also central to the couple’s relationship. Meghan even mentions that it was what they first bonded over. They’re showing key components of resilience in their combine focus on self-help and collective wellbeing. The couple are looking ahead and focusing on their future and purpose.
Harry and Meghan’s nonprofit organisation Archewell Foundation’s “core purpose is to uplift and unite communities — local and global, online and offline — one act of compassion at a time.” With the end goal of igniting “cultural change” around problems such as inequality and structural racial.
They’re also now in the business of telling stories of resilience. The couple’s new Netflix partnership will produce content with a similar purpose to Archewell. In a statement, published by Variety, they said: “Our lives, both independent of each other, and as a couple have allowed us to understand the power of the human spirit: of courage, resilience, and the need for connection. Through our work with diverse communities and their environments, to shining a light on people and causes around the world, our focus will be on creating content that informs but also gives hope.”
Meghan and Harry’s message was clear throughout the interview and is also right there in their future-focused endeavours. Be kind, be human, be respectful, be resilient and give others the tools to do the same.
Be ‘The Resilient’.
Which is why I connect so much with their vision and their willingness to take a stand. It’s why I founded The Resilient: to shine a light on the next generation as transformational leaders for a better society.
Check out our online courses and sign up to our newsletters at www.theresilient.co.uk to be a part of the movement.
Facebook: Theresilientthrive
Instagram: Theresilient_thrive
